The "love language" of gifts- and their unintentional consequences

Whether lavish or simple, who doesn’t love to receive a thoughtful gift? And there are others who just love to give gifts- showering their special someone with tokens of their affection. But gift-giving is complicated. Would you ever consider giving someone a $100 gift card with the condition that they spend 10X that amount to redeem it? Of course not!

Yet in effect, that is what can happen to well-intentioned parents, grandparents, and friends.

Here’s what I mean. Last week, I helped a young mom purge her kids’ toys. It was no small task, which is why she needed help. The bedroom floors and family room basement were littered with legos, beyblades, cars with remotes, rubber dinosaurs, pokemon cards, plastic race car tracks and the list goes on. She was stressed to the max. I spent several hours stuffing 35 garbage bags of mostly broken plastic and hauling them onto the curb for garbage pick up. Then I filled my car and made 2 trips to a donation centre with the good but abandoned toys. What was left? The basketball toss game, the foosball table, lots of stuffies, lego and another closet full of games, books and crafts that we haven’t even touched yet. She’s budgeted $2000 to pay for the junk removal company and my services.

But before you judge, let’s not forget that the advertising industry is expected to exceed 1 trillion dollars by the end of this year.

How can anyone withstand that?

Ask yourself if you’re trying to buy your kids’ love with stuff. (Especially true with blended families)

Prepare your kids by telling them in advance, that they’ll not be receiving as many toys for birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Teach them the “container” principle. If you can’t fit it into its “home”, then, it’s 1 in, 1 out.

Tell family members that you’d rather they spend time than money on your kids.

I’m sure by now, you’re thinking “what a Scrooge” but here’s the trade-off.

Less cortisol spikes in parents

Happier, more focused, less entitled children

More money in your pocket

Easy end-of-day tidy up

Less in the landfills = a healthier planet

And for you who love giving gifts to friends and family, here’s some suggestions:

• Bowling, ice skating or roller skating tickets

• Pottery Making – some places offer pottery-making lessons or classes.

• The Zoo – many zoos offer season passes and some have exclusive benefits for members.

• Local Attraction Season Passes –any other local attraction with a season pass can be a great gift. Check for other types of museums, historical sites, or local attractions.

• Geocaching is a fun, free way to go on a treasure hunt with your kids almost anywhere in the world

• Theatre or movie tickets

• Pretty cocktail napkins

• A home-cooked meal with reheating instructions

• A mani-pedi or spa gift card

• A tent (time spent camping is a great way to bond with friends/ family)

• Anything consumable- think chocolate, a jar of homemade preserves, wine, a block of imported cheese

• A gift card to a florist- the recipient can order flowers for their next dinner party or when they need a “pick-me-up”

• A night in a hotel with a pool - My 3 grown daughters and I are planning to meet up in a hotel where we often took them when they were kids. Blast from the past!

A gift is meant to add value to a person’s life so the final question to ask yourself is:

Is this adding value to their life? Or is it going to end up as guilty clutter?